tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1055932257464975902.post3883448087070212139..comments2024-03-10T23:01:51.493-05:00Comments on Stupid Motivational Tricks / Bemsha Swing: ParagraphingJonathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371893596402673898noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1055932257464975902.post-76852000538259844392010-09-11T14:39:54.562-05:002010-09-11T14:39:54.562-05:00What a great example! I'd take issue with almo...What a great example! I'd take issue with almost every sentence. Especially the first and last one, but you're right that as a paragraph it is nicely composed.<br /><br />I'd rewrite the first either to leave out the m-dash parenthesis, or make it is less obtrusive by putting it at the start. And I'd leave off the "dully excruciating" at the end. I.e., either:<br /><br /Thomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858865501469168339noreply@blogger.com