I found this doc on my computer: Bly vs. Machado

I found this document on my computer while searching for something else. I would guess that the numbers refer to page # of Bly's translation of Machado. Some translations here might seem unubjetionable, but they add to up to an approach of flattening the language.  

Bly vs Machado

 

he abierto muchas veredas / I have opened paths through brush                 17

 

soberbios y melancólicos / angry and melancholy 

[soberbios = haughty]                                        

 

pedantones / academics   

[pedantes = pedants, pedantones is the augmentative form]                                                                               

 

tabernas / ordinary bars

 

gentes / men

[why make it gender specific?]. 

 

que no son amargas / not really serious                                                         23

[amargas = bitter.  The adverb "really" is just weak] 

se eterno / cristal de leyenda // its eternal / fountain of story

[legend is a more marked term than "story"]

 

borrada la historia / the history lost

[erased is more vivid that "lost" 

 

sobre la orilla vieja / here on the beach                                                         29

[the image here is implicity the river Styx; there is not beach]. 

criptas hondas / deep vaults                                                                          31

 

y quimeras rosadas / and mythological beasts, rosy ones 

[loss of specificity]. 

y las campanas suenan / bells are asleep                                                       33

[Bly confuses the verb sonar (to sound) with soñar = to dream

but then confuses that with dormir = to sleep]

 

Crece en la plaza en sombra / el musgo                                                        35

In the shady parts of the square, moss / is growing

 

nuestra sola cuita / our only concern                                                             37

[cuita is an archaic, literary noun] 

 

el agua cantaba / the water was composing                                                  39

 

divino / religious

 

gran cantar / marvelous lines                                                                         41

 

los poetas míos / poets I admire

[my poets is more intimate] 

Colmenares / ¿ya no labráis // have those beehives stopped                       45

 [Bly changes second person to third]. 

enjauladas / that were in cages   

[wordy]                                                                    49

 

la voz querida / the voice I loved so much                                                    51

 [wordy; why not just the beloved voice?] 

la mano amiga/ the hand that loved me

 [same thing: the friendly hand] 

tu pobre huerto / the garden entrusted to you                                              57

 [your poor garden] 

ni vagamente comprender siquiera / I don’t even have a general 

understanding                                                                                                 65

 

estrella / guide

[stars can guide, but the image is less concrete] 

 

el alma niña / the soul like a young woman                                                  69

[wordy; uses a simile where the original is simply an adjective]  

y la pequeña historia / and the history not long

 

Incomprensibles, mudas,  /nada sabemos de las almas nuestras

 

We know nothing of our own souls / that are ununderstandable and say nothing

 

Tal vez la mano, en sueños / It’s possible that while sleeping the hand        71

 [sueños = dreams, not just sleeping]

 Gotas de sangre jacobina / A flow of leftist blood                                        83

[ Jacobins are more specific than leftists]

la mansion que habito / the house in which I live                                         85

 [Machado shifts gears for an ironic effect: the mansion I inhabit] 

cabalgando contigo a tus entrañas 

ride with me, as far as I go, deep into you                                                      87

 

quién sabe / lo que se traga la tierra

 

Is it certain / how much the earth actually eats                                            103

[actually? really? how weak]. 

 

Está el enigma grave / there is a third serious puzzle                                    107

[where does the "third" come from?] 

 

la palabra / human language

 [what's wrong with 'the word"]. 

junto a su tomate / next to his darling tomato                                              147

 [reallly, what the fuck, the darling tomato?] 

siempre al son que tocan bailan

When the sound is heard people dance                                                          149

 [people dance to the beat they hear, in other words,

they are conformist]. 

un corazón solitario / a heart that’s all by itself

 [wordy] 

it’s ok                                                                                                              151

[wtf?]. 

 

es mejor soñar / then it’s better to be asleep dreaming                                 153

[Bly doesn't seem to get that soñar is dreaming]  

y reposó, que bien lo merecía

and rested, which rest it certainly deserved                                                    155

[those weak adverbs again] 

rapaz / speedy                                                                                                157

 [rapaz = young man]. 

sent out for punishment to attack constantly                                                 

 

chopos de frío / cold poplars                                                                          165

 

a estos jardines de limonar  /to these gardens with private lemons               167

[what the fuck are these private lemons?].