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Monday, May 11, 2026

Dream of [not] conducting Beethoven's 9th

 I was supposed to conduct Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. I had been invited to do this as an ancillary thing in relation to some professional conference I was going to. We showed up at the venue (I was with other, unidentifiable people.) There had been a scene before of trying to get served in a Chinese Restaurant. We kept moving tables in search of more comfortable seating and we were worried about the waiters finding us with our food that we had already ordered. 

Anyway, it was not clear to me where I had to go, there was a big party with a lot of people, and various rooms. I started to doubt whether it would really happen, since I am not a conductor [!] and of course had not even looked at the score. Would I just wave my arms around? Surely the orchestra knew the music anyway. I was in a room getting ready. I opened a door and found a piano, and started playing the melody to "Bemsha Swing." I could not see the keys because they were covered with velvet, but I could still play (though somehow the melody did not seem right.) 

I never did get to conduct, since I woke up after that. 

Clearly the dream is about retirement, which starts today (kind of). There is ambition, but also the idea of not being qualified or prepared. Beethoven's 9th showed up because my daughter has recently played in it, and also because it is a big, ambitious work that one woudn't want to conduct without the proper conditions.  

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