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Anxious gatekeeping

Analogous to nervous cluelessness is something we might call “anxious gatekeeping.”   This is desire to police the borders of poetry, or of...

Monday, October 11, 2010

Out of my Element

I feel very secure in certain situations but very much out of my element in others. I have to work once a month at a bingo parlor (don't even ask!). It is so foreign to my normal routine that it causes anxiety in me. I'm sure I'll get used to it, but it doesn't come at all naturally to me. The bingo place is also in a neighborhood I never go to. I feel very uneasy about going out of my normal territory.

The place is smoky. People who don't look very rich are throwing twenty dollars bills at you to buy pull-tab cards that give them a chance to win one dollar back. I spend six hours there.

This made me realize I am a very fearful person, very attached to certain ways of doing things and reluctant to move outside of a certain zone. There is nothing in this zone attractive to me either.

I'm not sure what this is a metaphor for... I'm sure it has something to do with scholarly writing. Maybe you'll tell me.

1 comment:

Janet Q said...

I have similar difficulties, but I try to ignore them and work anyway. It's not very comfortable to physically handle or clean someone in a hospital gown. Some people only produce minor anxiety, or a feeling to just get down to business. I did have a man last month, though, that I had to breath and pace outside his room before I went in.