Wednesday, March 7, 2012
When You Aren't Doing So Well
So when I have not been doing well in the past... Oftentimes I haven't been taking care of myself, haven't been exercising, for example. Since I am happiest when I am also productive (and vice-versa), in my less good times I have allowed myself not to work as hard. It seems like an indulgence, but it is really like a deprivation. I've found it hard to deal with spare time, empty time. I have not reached out to people to help me through the difficulties. I've always been professionally successful, but in less good times I have dwelt on the few things in which I was not successful. My flaws seemed magnified. I was anxious, depressed.
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During droughts, brought about by my own insolence, I've allowed myself not to write, or to write very poorly, or copy down the work of others I admire. I allow myself to not be productive, and almost every time this has meant a day, a week that follows where the work comes like water from a garden hose. I suffer with a mood disorder and a disorganized academic life, so work for me is very important, but is not the product of magical thinking. I have to be honest with myself. Today's a reading day, I'll announce. Or, today I think I'll watch those documentaries. Today, I've written two exceedingly long posts (longterm projects) and I'm going to work on my novel again. I take care of myself, and the process takes care of itself. Thanks for all your work, I have enjoyed and been inspired by the entries here. Take care,
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