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Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Reasons not to harass

I don't want to paint myself as especially virtuous in a self-serving way,  because I can be an asshole like anyone else, but I am not that guy, that particular sexually harassing asshole.

The main reason I don't harass women is that I want them to like and respect me, and, when appropriate, to find me attractive. In my experience, women talk badly about sexually harassing men and do not like them.

In the times when I have not been married or in a relationship, I am not very good at making even appropriate advances. The idea of making an advance that is inappropriate is horrifying to me. My work involves contact with attractive 21-year old women, and harassing them is one of the only ways in which I could lose my job (one of the only ways as a tenured professor). Through no virtue of my own, these women are not particularly attractive to me, since I am an older woman type of guy.

There are a lot of guys like me, I'm sure. There are a lot of reasons not to do it. The main reason, though, is that it is not the way to get women to like you: engaging in behavior that they think is odious.


Leslie said...

Yes but the point of harrassment is to force odious behavior on someone. I think these people don't care to be liked.

Clarissa said...

I could never understand people who want any sort of a sexual engagement with an unwilling or a not very enthusiastic partner. They are like extraterrestrials to me. Something is massively wrong with such people.

Leslie said...

Many men like the feeling of coercing it. It depends on how patriarchal your culture is. I've been thrown out of bed in Louisiana for NOT objecting to what was going on (oh, you are enjoying this? you are here for you, not just to comply with me? I don't know how I feel about that, I don't think I can handle that, I don't think I approve of that, we had better stop). I have also had men nonplussed to hear that I'm not interested and that that really means no, and that I am in particular not interested if they are precisely looking for someone who is not interested. Sex is to please and serve men and give them the feeling they have gotten one over on you. If it is not that, it is scandalous, goes against religion, etc.