Monday, June 20, 2016
Demons?
What are your demons? One of mine is time itself. I have never understood it, never been able to judge or weigh it. Another is money, for me. Or sex. I have daily struggles with many things. They are not things that can simply be put aside. Is status a demon for you? Heat or cold? Attention?
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Having the many different voices inside of my head antagonizing each other. And being unable to prevent 'outside' voices instigate these inner antagonisms.
I'm working on it!
Self-hatred I do suppose. Caution about coercion to enmesh. Fear of extreme violence. If I vanquish the self-hatred or refuse to enmesh, extreme violence will ensue. Therefore, I must always head off violence leading to annihilation via self-harm and self-limitation, trying to do as little of these as possible but enough to satisfy those who require such things.
It is very difficult to remember that the world is not really like this. There are certain places in U.S. that feel safe but mostly I am only comfortable out of the country where, I feel, I cannot be seen by the envious gods and am therefore protected from their ire.
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