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Monday, December 5, 2016

Life hack 3

The third life hack has to do with relationships. It is very simple: to be the best partner you can be for someone else, work on your own self first. If you are happier, healthier, and better at what you do, then you will be more attractive and generous to someone else. Don't worry so much about filling a gap or need in the other person's life: that is mostly their own job. Also, don't worry about whether the other person can fill gaps in your own life. Treat the relationship itself as though it were in the tier 1, with some tier 2 things mixed in. The relationship is not there for some other end, but is an end in itself.

If the partner doesn't want you to be better at what you love doing, then that is bad. So if a partner thinks you shouldn't be taking piano lessons or going back to school, that is a big warning sign.  By the same token, you shouldn't be threatened by talents your partner has, even if it makes you feel inferior. The more tier 1 things your partner has, the better.


Anonymous said...

Most people, however, get into relationships for middle-tier reasons and put up with the lower-tier aspects of them. Upper tier is for your friends, your job. If you put the relationship in upper tier then you are being "too picky" -- especially since relationships are something you have to "work on" and "compromise for", not enjoy in a more spontaneous way.
You have to remember to make time for them, schedule a night a week to see each other for something more pleasant than laundry and dishes, be sure to stick to that schedule in a grim manner, and so on. What you describe involves being happy and so many cannot tolerate that.

Jonathan said...

Indeed. I see no point in that kind of relationship. One trick is not to live together.

Anonymous said...

For many that would defeat the purpose of the relationship which is to share bills. When I was much younger and things were much cheaper the reason people lived together was sex. Later, as life got more expensive, it became bill sharing, I noticed. But not living together solves a LOT of problems and also makes a LOT of things clearer.