Brilliance

 I used to enjoy my own "brilliance," the "dance of the intellect" in my own head.  Obviously that is a youthful feeling that could cause me embarrassment now, looking back at it and seeing my past immaturity with clarity. Yet thinking in this way I would be the same old guy who might have looked down at someone like me at the time. My past self does not deserve that condescension! In part because I am still that brilliant young self: that is the basis for my current intellectual maturity, such as it is.  It was a necessary step in my development. Now if I had always been mediocre, perhaps I could have worked steadily and accomplished something, but I think starting off hot was the only path for me.