So where is this sequence of posts headed? I have to think about where I am headed professionally. I've reached a certain level in my field and in my department, overcoming my depression of the early 2000s. In order to continue to move forward, I have to continue my own intellectual Bildung, even though that, in and of itself, brings no external rewards. So I will finish and publish the second book on Lorca.
I want to teach a course for the MFA program, a workshop on the translation of poetry. I can start efforts to make this happen in the Spring. I need to increase my internal presence in my university, something which doesn't happen because of my frequent absence. I won't be absent as much from now on, because my daughter is graduating from High School and I won't be going to visit her in St. Louis any more after summer of 2013.
I need to earn better money. To do this I need an outside offer or a promotion to DP, and/or an administrative post. I feel my low salary is a function of not being able to promote myself better within the university, to prove my worth. I have to be less passive. I was in my personal life, since I decided I had to get divorced in order to stand up for myself.
I once associated my low status in the department as a function of my dissent from Kansas mediocrity. Now that my status is higher, I have to complete the process of separating myself from that legacy. Paradoxically, I am the member of the department who is most involved in keeping alive the legacy of having a research-oriented department. Thus I have to pay some lip service to the scholars who published a lot, even though they were a bit mediocre to my mind. The "over achievers." I can publish as much as those guys, but I want to be recognized as publishing good quality work as well.