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Anxious gatekeeping

Analogous to nervous cluelessness is something we might call “anxious gatekeeping.”   This is desire to police the borders of poetry, or of...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Tuesday live bloggin

8:30. I am at my desk at home office. I find two Strayhorn biographies in my boxes of books and take them up to office. I enter them into the Lorca bibliography and find KU dissertation on the Artists Theatre of New York. I have it delivered to my office. I am thinking there is one more dissertation on this by a KU student, but I cannot remember for sure? *The library never answered my query of last week and I ended up finding it myself today.)

9-10. I am on the phone with personal business having to do with taxes and the like. I had to call 4 or 5 times all told.

10:00. I go downstairs, reheat some coffee, turn on the stereo and begin to read Gadamer for tommorow's theory course. I read Gadamer outloud to myself.

11:00. I reheat more coffee, go upstairs to work on Lorca. It goes very well. I decide a need another subsection of my duende chapter, and I write about 2/3 of it in one hour.

12:06. Lunch, and I go to gym to rejoin it.

13:07: Back at desk. I got a lot of ideas about Spanish cultural exceptionalism and how it might fit into my chapter on the duende. I write them down very messily in the place they go in the document. My anxiety is high. I write a few blog posts. That is work too.

14:43 I realize I have done a lot of work just now on the project, while intermittently blogging it. It has been a productive day, both for personal business and research. Anxiety is at an extremely high level, though. Somehow it is as though I were afraid not to work on the book very hard, that it would disappear unless I wrote it very fast. The problem is that I am very fast: I sit down and it just comes out without much effort. Either I don't trust it or don't trust myself to keep going with so much intensity.

I write another blog post. I think I'll listen to podcasts of "This American Life."

I relax for a while. I can't take too much intensity. I really did made a lot of progress today and tomorrow I have 11-hour day on campus.

17:30 "Big Tent" meeting.

6:30 Dinner

20:00 Swing dancing club.

Home at 21:45. No more work today.

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